Legal Domestic Abuse

Legal Domestic Abuse is when a batterer takes his abuse against a woman into the court room. The abuser will use his lies, his lawyer and the mental health professionals to make her look like she is the one who is crazy and abusive. This kind of abuse takes a woman off guard at the time she is relying on the legal system to help her get free of him. This is a very real threat to women and her children as she may loose custody of them to the abuser. It happens all the time. Please learn all you can about legal domestic abuse so that you will not be his victim again in this trap.

Domestic violence...It seems like such a simple concept but is quite certainly not the case.  There are many types of domestic violence.  Domestic violence goes beyond simply hitting someone.  Emotional abuse is a types of domestic violence.  I know for me at least, I could take the hitting but the words hurt me more than words can describe.  The bruises fade but the words shouted or whispered to you by your abuser, never go away.  Another type of stalking is legal domestic violence.  I have also experienced this.  This is when the abuser uses law enforcement authorities or the courts to do there evil work for them.  I have even been arrested twice because of abusers using this technique.  Thank goodness, I was found innocent on both counts.  The stress that was put on me was incredible.  Another way that an abuser can you the legal system is by abusing the child abuse hotline to call in fraudulent reports on their victims.  They say there is a criminal charge for calling in false reports but through experience, even with law enforcement behind me, we have learned that hardly anyone gets prosecuted.  What results is innocent parents and children being put through the ringer jumping through hoops when there homes are perfectly safe, while the abuser laughs on.  My abuser used to love to call DCF when it was finals week when I was in college finishing my degree. Talk about stress. I have had over 14 false reports to DCF called on me by my abuser.  They all ended with no findings but just imagine the time, money and energy that it took away from myself, my children, and DCF.  There are so many children that need help and DCF is so short handed beause of high turn over rates of their employees that acts like this take away from children that so desperately need to be rescued from dangerous homes.  There are so many ways that an abuser can use to get to their victim(s).  It is important that survivors of domestic violence are aware off these different tools that abusers use so that they can identify it and combat it successfully. 

STOP DOMESTIC LEGAL ABUSE NOW

Dating Violence...

As a former teacher, I would be saddened to watch teen relationships sometimes.  Girls would like it when a guy treated them as a possession...It was a source of pride to be called their boyfriends "bitch", etc.  I would watch one person in a relationship alienate the other person in the relationship from their friends and sometimes family.  It would sadden me because they could not grasp the fact that they were still children and high school is for learning and making memories that you can never go back and redo.  What a depressing situation.

Dating violence can happen to any teen regardless of gender, race, socio-economic status, or whether or not they have experience with dating.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 4 adolescents experiences verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse from a dating partner each year.

  

This issue is so serious that several states have passed laws requiring schools to address the issue.

Recognizing Dating Violence

Dating violence includes any behavior by a dating partner that is used to manipulate, gain control, gain power; make a person feel bad about himself or herself; or make a person afraid of his or her boyfriend or girlfriend.

The Consequences of Dating Violence

Dating violence can have serious consequences. While the immediate impact might be humiliation and/or physical pain, young people who experience abuse are more likely to be in physical fights or bring weapons to school. They might exhibit higher rates of drug and alcohol abuse as well as high-risk sexual behaviors. Targets of abuse are also more likely to contemplate or attempt suicide.

Boys and Girls and Abuse

Research shows that both girls and boys carry out aggression in relationships and that girls are more likely than boys to initiate physical aggression toward their dating partner. For 2003, the CDC found that 8.8 percent of girls and 8.9 percent of boys reported physical violence from a dating partner during the last 12 months.

Girls tend to stay in a relationship after being injured by dating violence. Also, girls suffer serious injuries such as broken bones or cuts more often than do boys.
Impact of Dating Violence

Research shows a number of effects, both short and long-term as a result of dating violence.

Abusive experiences during adolescent dating relationships may interfere with normal development of self esteem and body image. Victims of dating violence have increased risk for injury, and are more likely to use alcohol and drugs, practice unhealthy weight control behaviors, experience general poor health, engage in risky sexual behavior, become pregnant, or engage in suicidal behavior.

Finally, psychological abuse early in a relationship is linked to later physical abuse in adult relationships.

Abusers’ Risk Factors

Adolescents who become abusive in a dating relationship have several characteristics in common. The following risk factors make it more likely that they will carry out physical, sexual, or emotional dating violence:

• History of committing dating violence
• Family conflict and aversive communication
• Witnessing violence between parents
• Witnessing violence in the community
• Believing it’s acceptable to resort to violence in dating relationships
• Acting physically aggressive toward peers, such as fighting or bullying
• Using alcohol or drugs
• Having problems in managing strong negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, or stress
• Having friends or parents who endorse violent relationships
• Parents’ use of harsh discipline

Risks for Being Abused
Adolescents who become victims of abuse share several common factors. The following factors increase the risk of being abused:

• History of dating violence
• Witness to violence among parents or violence in one’s community
• Friends who have experienced or are victims of dating abuse
• Low self-esteem and feelings of hopelessness among females
• Risky sexual behavior including having multiple sex partners and nonuse of condoms, especially among females

Parents please talk to your children if you feel there are some issues. Let them know that you are there for them.  If you have a friend that it being abused, speak up.  Many times, they may not realize the danger that they are in. Do not let them feel like they are alone with no one to turn to.

Domestic Violence and Pregnancy

Women in abusive relationships may hope pregnancy will reform an abusive partner. The sad reality, however, is that pregnancy is more likely to have the opposite effect: 1 in 6 abused women reports that her partner first became abusive during pregnancy. According to the Center for Disease Control, at least 4 to 8 percent of pregnant women—that's over 300,000 per year—report suffering abuse during pregnancy. Even more alarming: domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to American women between 15 and 44 and is estimated to be responsible for 20 to 25 percent of all hospital emergency room visits by women.

• Domestic violence has been identified as a prime cause of miscarriage or still-birth(1), and of maternal deaths during childbirth(2) .
• Legally, if a miscarriage is caused by abuse, the assailant can be charged under S.58 of the Offences against the Person Act, "using an instrument with intent to cause a miscarriage"(3) .
• If a baby is born prematurely as a result of an assault, and then dies, the assailant may be charged with manslaughter(4) .
• Within the six weeks following birth, 11 new mothers were known to have been murdered by their male partners during 2000-02, and 14% of all the women who died during or immediately after pregnancy (43 women) had reported domestic violence to a health professional during the pregnancy(5) .
• Between 4 and 9 women in every 100 are abused during their pregnancies and/or after the birth(6).
• 30% of domestic violence starts in pregnancy(7).
• 12% of the 378 women whose death was reported to the Confidential Enquiry on Maternal Deaths had voluntarily reported domestic violence to a healthcare professional during their pregnancy(8). None had routinely been asked about domestic violence so this is almost certainly an under-estimate.
• One study in the USA found a significant relationship between pregnancy, domestic violence, and suicide: pregnant women who attempt suicide are very likely to have been abused(9).
• Women receiving care on antenatal and postnatal wards were questioned in a study examining the prevalence of domestic violence and its associations with obstetric complications and psychological health. 23% of women had a lifetime experience of domestic violence, and 3% had experienced violence in the current pregnancy - probably an under-estimate(10). The effects can be cumulative and long-lasting; so abuse prior to the current pregnancy could also result in adverse effects for mother and child.
• Royal College of Midwives Position paper advocates recognition of abuse, documenting it, and giving woman information to make her own choices(11).
• Routine enquiry about domestic violence during antenatal booking is infrequent despite such enquiry being included in clinical practice recommendations and is made less frequently than any other aspect of social history taking(12).
• Midwives usually do not raise the subject of domestic violence, and women often feel "silenced" and unable to talk about it with their midwife(13).
• Routine enquiry about domestic violence in maternity settings is accepted by women, provided it is conducted in a safe confidential environment(14). A pilot project in Leeds found that 92% of women questioned were in favour of routine enquiry(15).
• Midwives approve in theory of routine questioning about domestic violence, and also broadly agree (81%) that it is their responsibility; but in practice, only about 60% are happy to do it(16). Practical and personal difficulties - including lack of time, staff shortages, and difficulty in obtaining sufficient privacy - were frequently cited(17).
• Training is essential in order to sustain routine questioning and ensure midwives are aware of how to respond to disclosure. Those midwives who - after training - do question women about domestic violence find benefits for themselves also(18).
• Healthcare professionals have a duty to record anything that might impact on the health of their patients including domestic violence.
• NSF (National Standard Framework) for Children, Young people and Maternity Services(19) includes points on identification of and response to domestic violence in pregnancy: women should be offered "a supportive environment and the opportunity to disclose" and maternity service staff should be "aware of the importance of domestic violence and competent in recognising the symptoms and presentations" and "able to make a sensitive enquiry" and "provide basic information" and referral to local services.

As a survivor of domestic violence during pregnancy, it can be very scary.  There people out there who will help you and your unborn child.  Please don't ever think you are alone in this.

A video on the impacts of domestic violence on children

The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

Estimates are that more than 3.3 million children are exposed to physical and verbal spousal abuse each year. ¹⁴  Exposure means seeing or hearing the actual abuse or dealing with the aftermath of the abuse.

When describing the effects of domestic violence on children, it is important to note that domestic violence and child abuse are often present in the same families.  "In homes where domestic violence occurs, children are physically abused and neglected at a rate 15 times higher than the national average.  Several studies have shown that in 60% to 75% of families in which a woman is battered, children are also battered." ¹⁴  In addition, children living in households where domestic violence is occurring are at a higher risk for sexual abuse.

The effects of witnessing or experiencing violence at home vary tremendously from one child to another.  The attributes that give a child the greatest chance of surviving unscathed are "average or above-average intellectual development with good attention and interpersonal skills.  Also feelings of self-esteem and self-efficacy, attractiveness to others in both personality and appearance, individual talents, religious affiliations, socioeconomic advantage, opportunities for good schooling and employment, and contact with people and environments that are positive for development." ¹⁴

Many children in families where domestic violence has occurred appeared to be "parentified."  They are forced to grow up faster than their peers, often taking on the responsibility of cooking, cleaning and caring for younger children.  Laura Gillberg, MSW, is the child and adolescent program director at Sarah's Inn, an agency in Oak Park, Illinois.  She stated, "Many of these children were not allowed to have a real childhood.  They don't trust their fathers because of his role as an abuser and they may have been worried about what to expect when coming home.  They learned at a young age to be prepared for anything."

Children may also be isolated.  Typical activities such as having friends over to their house may be impossible due to the chaotic atmosphere.  "Kids aren't going to have their friends over when mom has a black eye."  However, school performance is not always obviously affected.  Children may respond by being overachievers.

Gillberg noticed that children in domestic violence tend to be either extremely introverted or extremely extroverted.  Psychosomatic problems (aches and pains for no apparent reason) are common; these children's eating and sleeping patterns tend to be disrupted.  Children who witness domestic violence can develop behavior problems, including aggression and violent outbursts.

Underlying all these "symptoms" of domestic violence are children's emotional responses: i.e. anger - misery - intense terror - fear of dying - fear of the loss of a parent.  Children may feel rage, guilt, or a sense of responsibility for the violence, which can stifle emotional and social development.  To learn and grow into a healthy adult, children must feel confident in the world and in themselves.  Domestic violence can wipe out a child's confidence and leave them shocked.

Effects of Domestic Violence: academic problems; agitation - feeling "jumpy"; aggression; avoidance of reminders; behavior problems; clinginess to caregivers; depression; distractibility; emotional numbing; emotional changes; fear - feeling scared; fear of natural exploring; feelings of guilt; feelings of not belonging; flashbacks; general emotional distress; increased arousal; intrusive thoughts; insomnia; irritability; low levels of empathy; low self-esteem; nightmares; numbing of feelings; obsessive behaviors; phobias; poor problem-solving skills; posttraumatic stress disorder; revenge seeking; social problems; suicidal behaviors; truancy; withdrawal from activities.

Effects in Adulthood: alcohol abuse; depression; low self-esteem; violent practices in the home; criminal behavior; sexual problems; substance abuse.

INFANTS AND TODDLERS:

Infants and toddlers who witness violence show excessive irritability, immature behavior, sleep disturbances, emotional distress, fears of being alone, and regression in toileting and language.  Preschool children may develop enuresis and speech disfluencies, such as stuttering.  "Exposure to trauma, especially family violence, interferes with a child's normal development of trust and later exploratory behaviors, which lead to the development of autonomy." ¹⁴<

TEENS:

Being a teenager is difficult, as most of us remember.  But being a teenager and living in a house infected with domestic violence can have devastating, life-long effects.  Teens living with domestic violence face the unique problem of trying to fit in with their peers while keeping their home life a secret.  Teens in shelters often face the problem of having to move and begin school in a new place, having to make new friends while feeling the shame of living in a shelter.  Needless to say, their family relationships can be strained to the breaking point.  The result can be teens who never learn to form trusting, lasting relationships, or teens who end up in violent relationships themselves.

In addition, teens face the same issues as younger children in an abusive family, namely feeling lonely and isolated, growing up too fast, behavior problems, stress related medical and mental health problems, and school problems.  Teenagers are also faced with entering into the dating world for the first time.  They are formulating their own theories about relationships, and some may not have the best models on which to base a healthy relationship.  They have witnessed the cycle of violence with the abuse, apologies from the perpetrator, tensions building and more abuse.  Unfortunately, some teenagers may be faced with a higher risk of being victims of dating violence and as mentioned earlier, ending up in violent relationships as adults either as victims or abusers.

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Referring to this article:
"Domestic Violence: An Overview" was written by C. J. Newton, MA, Learning Specialist and published in the Find Counseling.com (formerly TherapistFinder.net) Mental Health Journal in February, 2001.

Use or reference to this article on the Internet must be accompanied by a link to the page you cite

An Unfortunate Reality

Domestic abuse is an ugly issue with a heavy stigma. It impacts people of all ages, genders and backgrounds and knows no boundaries. Chances are someone you know has been a victim of domestic abuse as an adult or as a child. It happens in college dorm rooms, escalates silently behind the walls of beautiful homes, follows children to school, impacts productivity in the workplace, has pervasive and complicated root causes and sometimes leads to death. Domestic abuse is a silent epidemic because there are countless numbers of victims who do not report or seek help and because people are still uncomfortable talking about it. Chances are you or someone you know has been a victim of domestic abuse or experienced abuse as a child.
PREVENTION IS THE CURE!

Introduction

My name is Tiffany Mullins. I am an Outreach Coordinator for a Domestic Violence Center as well as a survivor of domestic violence. This blog is dedicated to promoting awareness about domestic, sexual, and family violence. Together we can save lives. Remember October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Everyday that I am at work reiterates the need for hope, strength, courage, and support for those simply surviving domestic violence.  I hope that together we can help others go from just surviving to being a survivor.

http://www.youtube.com/user/TiffanyMullins